Why sharing your child's diagnosis with them is important
​Many autistic people sense from a young age that they’re different, even if no one has said it out loud. Without the language to explain why their experiences seem different to others, they often fill in the gaps themselves with their own explanations ('weird', 'not smart', and 'awkward' were some of my own when I was a kid).
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Understanding that your differences exist not because you're broken, but because you have a different neurotype, is empowering and the foundation for self-discovery. Knowing you are autistic opens the door to exploring your strengths, recognising and honouring your social and communication preferences, tuning into your sensory needs and regulation strategies, and confidently self-advocating for understanding, accommodations, and support.
Sharing an autism diagnosis with your child
One of the most powerful things you can give your child is an understanding of their own neurotype (or brain) and the permission to be their whole, beautiful, true and authentic self.
An understanding of their neurotype removes shame from the Autistic experience:
Your child will encounter a range of messages about autism from the outside world, through peers, school, media, and more, and these messages can shape their beliefs and values around what autism means. If those beliefs are built on a deficit-based view, it can make it much harder for them to understand, accept, or feel positive about their own diagnosis later in life. A deficit based view of autistic traits also drives a heavy reliance on masking to fit in. The constant effort to appear "typical" can be exhausting and often results in meltdowns, burnout, identity confusion, and a diminished sense of self-worth.
Research consistently shows that the family environment plays a pivotal role in shaping a child’s values, beliefs, and sense of identity. When you not only share but celebrate your child’s diagnosis, reflect openly on the strengths of your neurodivergent family, honour sensory, cognitive, and social differences, and model self-love and self-advocacy, you’re helping to build a healthy and positive value system through which your child understands and sees themself.
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Helping Your Child Understand Their Autistic Identity
When it comes to sharing an autism diagnosis with your child, you don’t need the perfect words! What matters most is how the message is shared — with warmth, positivity, and curiosity. When I shared diagnoses with my own children, it was a celebration. We even had a family ‘party’ for my youngest, who was the last to be diagnosed in her proudly neurodivergent family.
Here are some helpful tips:
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Use positive, affirming language: Help them understand that being Autistic means their brain sees, feels, and processes the world in unique ways — and that those differences come with both strengths and challenges.
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Link the diagnosis to their lived experience: “You know how you notice little details that no one else sees? That’s something a lot of Autistic people experience.” “Did you know a lot of Autistic kids have a special interest in animals, just like you?”
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Connect as neurokin: You might not have a diagnosis yourself — but the heritability of autism is high (estimated between 70–90% depending on the research). So while you might not carry a formal label, chances are you share some traits with your child. And nothing builds a stronger sense of self than the feeling of belonging that comes from knowing the people who love you most understand and experience the world in similar ways.
Keep the conversation going: Don't think of it as a one-time “big talk.” Layer the information over time, creating a safe, open space for ongoing reflection, discussion and questions as they grow.
You're not on your own!
A neuroaffirming psychologist, speech pathologist, or occupational therapist can support and guide you in sharing your child’s diagnosis and in creating a home environment that embraces neurodiversity.
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There are also many wonderful neuroaffirming resources available to help your child build understanding and confidence in who they are. Swipe through this selection of recommended books!
