Starting the Conversation: Talking to Your Child About Autism

When it comes to sharing an autism diagnosis with your child, you don’t need the perfect words. What matters most is how the message is shared - with warmth, positivity, and curiosity.

Use positive, affirming language

Help them understand that being autistic means their brain sees, feels, and processes the world in unique ways. Often, young children connect most easily with their autistic neurotype when conversations begin with their strengths, interests, and personal qualities. These Autistic Strengths Cards can be a helpful way to open up this discussion.

Connect to their lived experience

“You know you have expert level knowledge of stick insects right? Autistic brains are amazing at deep diving on a subject and learning everything there is to know about it.”

“You know how you love to organise all of your soft toys before you go to bed? That’s something a lot of autistic kids like to do, sorting and organising can help you feel calm and really good inside.”

As your conversations continue over the days, weeks, and months ahead, you can gradually explore some of the challenges that come with being autistic. This includes helping your child understand that many difficulties arise not because there is something wrong with them, but because they are navigating a world that has largely been designed around neurotypical ways of thinking, communicating, learning, and socialising. Understanding this can help children approach their challenges with self-compassion rather than self-blame.

“Man, I’m sorry you got in trouble for not wanting to come in from lunch today. It can be really hard for autistic people to transition from something fun. How about we organise a chat with your teacher to help her understand that.”

“Thanks for telling me you’re overwhelmed – that makes a lot of sense. We have had a really busy day today and it can be hard for an autistic brain to have a day full of activities without any downtime to recover. Lets spend the rest of the day chilling at home and resting."

Reduce the social load

Talking about their neurotype and recent assessment might feel like a vulnerable conversation for your child. Reducing the social and sensory load by reducing the need for eye contact can be really helpful and support wellbeing and engaged conversation. This could look like snuggled up on the couch, or in bed, both looking ahead, sitting side by side doing some craft or lego together, or playing catch or going for a walk outside while you chat.

Connect as neurokin

You might not have a diagnosis yourself  but the heritability of autism is high (estimated between 70–90% depending on the research). So while you might not carry a formal label, chances are you share some traits with your child. And nothing builds a stronger sense of self than the feeling of belonging that comes from knowing the people who love you most understand and experience the world in similar ways. 

Keep the conversation going

Don't think of it as a one-time “big talk.” Layer the information over time, creating a safe, open space for ongoing reflection, discussion and questions as they grow.

You're not on your own

A neurodiversity affirming psychologist, speech pathologist, or occupational therapist can support and guide you in sharing your child’s diagnosis and in creating a home environment that embraces neurodiversity. There are also many wonderful neurodiversity affirming resources available to help your child build understanding and confidence in who they are. You can find some resources here.